When attempts at contact can become harassment
Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2026 8:41 pm
When attempts at contact can become harassment
Parents who are estranged from an adult son or daughter often want to repair the relationship.
A phone call, message, letter or visit may feel to the parent like an attempt to explain, apologise, reconnect or simply show that they still care.
But repeated unwanted contact can have serious consequences.
In some circumstances it can become a police matter.
What does harassment mean legally?
In England and Wales, harassment is governed principally by the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.
The basic offence involves:
There is no rule that those two occasions must occur within a particular number of days or weeks.
Two incidents do not automatically amount to harassment. The circumstances matter, including how the incidents are connected, what happened, how persistent the conduct was and the period over which it occurred.
Harassment includes causing another person alarm or distress.
The legal test also looks beyond what the person making contact intended. The question includes whether a reasonable person with the same information would recognise that the behaviour amounted to harassment.
Different kinds of contact can count together
The incidents do not have to be identical.
For example, depending on the circumstances, a course of conduct might involve a combination of:
“But I only wanted to talk”
Good intentions do not necessarily prevent conduct from becoming harassment.
A parent may genuinely believe:
“I just wanted five minutes to explain.”
or:
“I needed them to know that I still loved them.”
The adult child may experience the same conduct as repeated unwanted contact.
That difference in perspective becomes especially important once the adult child has clearly said that they do not want contact.
A clear request for no contact changes the situation
If your adult child has explicitly told you not to contact them, take that seriously.
Do not assume that changing the method of contact gets around the request.
For example, if someone blocks your telephone number, it is generally unwise to respond by:
A workplace visit can be particularly risky
Turning up unexpectedly at an adult child’s workplace may feel very different to them from receiving a letter at home.
They may feel embarrassed, trapped or concerned that the dispute is being brought into their professional life.
Unless you have been invited, do not assume that a workplace is an appropriate place to attempt reconciliation.
Two occasions can be enough — but that does not mean two contacts always equal harassment
This distinction is important.
Police guidance says that stalking or harassment involving two or more incidents can be reported.
But the existence of two contacts alone does not establish that a criminal offence has been committed.
The police and, where appropriate, prosecutors and courts consider the overall circumstances.
Factors may include:
Stalking is a particular form of repeated unwanted behaviour and can include conduct such as following someone, repeatedly attempting to contact them, monitoring their communications, loitering near places they use, or watching or spying on them.
A parent repeatedly trying to communicate with an estranged child is not automatically “stalking”.
But attempts to maintain contact can become much more serious if they develop into repeated following, monitoring, surveillance or persistent attempts to encounter the person.
What can happen if a complaint is made?
A complaint of harassment does not mean that someone will automatically be charged or convicted.
But it can trigger a criminal investigation.
Depending on the circumstances, possible consequences include:
A restraining order is particularly important
Where a court makes a restraining order, its terms must be followed exactly.
A restraining order may prohibit direct or indirect contact or impose other restrictions.
Breaching a restraining order is itself a criminal offence.
Never assume that a birthday, illness, family emergency or desire to apologise allows you to ignore a court order.
If an order or bail condition applies and you are unsure what it permits, obtain legal advice before making contact.
What about Scotland?
Scotland has different criminal legislation.
Section 39 of the Criminal Justice and Licensing (Scotland) Act 2010 creates the offence of stalking.
It involves a course of conduct which causes another person fear or alarm where the person responsible intends that result or knows, or ought to know, that the conduct is likely to cause fear or alarm.
A course of conduct again involves behaviour on at least two occasions.
Contacting or attempting to contact another person by any means can form part of the conduct.
Other Scottish offences may also apply depending on what has happened.
What about Northern Ireland?
Northern Ireland also has its own legislation.
Harassment remains an offence under the Protection from Harassment (Northern Ireland) Order 1997.
Northern Ireland additionally introduced a specific stalking offence through the Protection from Stalking Act (Northern Ireland) 2022. Stalking can involve repeated attempts to contact someone and other intrusive behaviour which causes, or would be likely to cause, fear, alarm or substantial distress.
The safest rule
If an adult child has clearly asked you to stop contacting them:
stop.
Do not search for a different route around the boundary.
You can still:
It means recognising that continuing unwanted contact can make reconciliation less likely and may expose you to serious legal consequences.
If the police become involved
Take the situation seriously.
Do not attempt further contact in order to “sort it out” directly with your adult child.
Keep relevant correspondence and messages.
Comply carefully with any bail condition, court order or other restriction.
If you are invited to a police interview or arrested, ask about your right to independent legal advice. Legal advice at a police station is normally available free of charge.
The central lesson is simple:
Do not wait until the police are involved before taking a request for no contact seriously.
Further information
Police.uk: stalking and harassment
Crown Prosecution Service: stalking or harassment guidance
This guide provides general information, not legal advice. Criminal law and procedure differ between England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. If you are already the subject of a police investigation, bail conditions, a court order or another formal restriction, seek individual legal advice before making any further contact.
Parents who are estranged from an adult son or daughter often want to repair the relationship.
A phone call, message, letter or visit may feel to the parent like an attempt to explain, apologise, reconnect or simply show that they still care.
But repeated unwanted contact can have serious consequences.
In some circumstances it can become a police matter.
What does harassment mean legally?
In England and Wales, harassment is governed principally by the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.
The basic offence involves:
- a course of conduct which amounts to harassment of another person; and
- the person responsible knowing, or ought reasonably to know, that the conduct amounts to harassment.
There is no rule that those two occasions must occur within a particular number of days or weeks.
Two incidents do not automatically amount to harassment. The circumstances matter, including how the incidents are connected, what happened, how persistent the conduct was and the period over which it occurred.
Harassment includes causing another person alarm or distress.
The legal test also looks beyond what the person making contact intended. The question includes whether a reasonable person with the same information would recognise that the behaviour amounted to harassment.
Different kinds of contact can count together
The incidents do not have to be identical.
For example, depending on the circumstances, a course of conduct might involve a combination of:
- telephone calls;
- text or WhatsApp messages;
- emails;
- social-media messages;
- letters;
- visits to a home;
- visits to a workplace;
- contact through friends or relatives.
“But I only wanted to talk”
Good intentions do not necessarily prevent conduct from becoming harassment.
A parent may genuinely believe:
“I just wanted five minutes to explain.”
or:
“I needed them to know that I still loved them.”
The adult child may experience the same conduct as repeated unwanted contact.
That difference in perspective becomes especially important once the adult child has clearly said that they do not want contact.
A clear request for no contact changes the situation
If your adult child has explicitly told you not to contact them, take that seriously.
Do not assume that changing the method of contact gets around the request.
For example, if someone blocks your telephone number, it is generally unwise to respond by:
- calling from another number;
- creating another social-media account;
- using another email address;
- turning up at their home or workplace;
- asking friends or relatives repeatedly to carry messages.
A workplace visit can be particularly risky
Turning up unexpectedly at an adult child’s workplace may feel very different to them from receiving a letter at home.
They may feel embarrassed, trapped or concerned that the dispute is being brought into their professional life.
Unless you have been invited, do not assume that a workplace is an appropriate place to attempt reconciliation.
Two occasions can be enough — but that does not mean two contacts always equal harassment
This distinction is important.
Police guidance says that stalking or harassment involving two or more incidents can be reported.
But the existence of two contacts alone does not establish that a criminal offence has been committed.
The police and, where appropriate, prosecutors and courts consider the overall circumstances.
Factors may include:
- whether contact was wanted or unwanted;
- whether the person had been asked to stop;
- the nature and content of the communications;
- how persistent the behaviour was;
- how the incidents were connected;
- whether the behaviour caused alarm or distress;
- whether continuing the behaviour was reasonable in the circumstances.
Stalking is a particular form of repeated unwanted behaviour and can include conduct such as following someone, repeatedly attempting to contact them, monitoring their communications, loitering near places they use, or watching or spying on them.
A parent repeatedly trying to communicate with an estranged child is not automatically “stalking”.
But attempts to maintain contact can become much more serious if they develop into repeated following, monitoring, surveillance or persistent attempts to encounter the person.
What can happen if a complaint is made?
A complaint of harassment does not mean that someone will automatically be charged or convicted.
But it can trigger a criminal investigation.
Depending on the circumstances, possible consequences include:
- being contacted by the police;
- being asked to attend a voluntary interview under caution;
- being arrested where the legal grounds for arrest are met;
- being interviewed under caution;
- police examining messages, emails, call records or other communications;
- phones or other devices potentially being seized where police have lawful grounds to obtain evidence;
- being released while enquiries continue;
- restrictions being imposed on contact in appropriate cases;
- a charging decision;
- court proceedings;
- a restraining order.
A restraining order is particularly important
Where a court makes a restraining order, its terms must be followed exactly.
A restraining order may prohibit direct or indirect contact or impose other restrictions.
Breaching a restraining order is itself a criminal offence.
Never assume that a birthday, illness, family emergency or desire to apologise allows you to ignore a court order.
If an order or bail condition applies and you are unsure what it permits, obtain legal advice before making contact.
What about Scotland?
Scotland has different criminal legislation.
Section 39 of the Criminal Justice and Licensing (Scotland) Act 2010 creates the offence of stalking.
It involves a course of conduct which causes another person fear or alarm where the person responsible intends that result or knows, or ought to know, that the conduct is likely to cause fear or alarm.
A course of conduct again involves behaviour on at least two occasions.
Contacting or attempting to contact another person by any means can form part of the conduct.
Other Scottish offences may also apply depending on what has happened.
What about Northern Ireland?
Northern Ireland also has its own legislation.
Harassment remains an offence under the Protection from Harassment (Northern Ireland) Order 1997.
Northern Ireland additionally introduced a specific stalking offence through the Protection from Stalking Act (Northern Ireland) 2022. Stalking can involve repeated attempts to contact someone and other intrusive behaviour which causes, or would be likely to cause, fear, alarm or substantial distress.
The safest rule
If an adult child has clearly asked you to stop contacting them:
stop.
Do not search for a different route around the boundary.
You can still:
- write privately without sending;
- talk to a counsellor;
- discuss your feelings with trusted friends;
- seek legal advice;
- use peer support;
- work on anything in your own behaviour that you think may need to change.
It means recognising that continuing unwanted contact can make reconciliation less likely and may expose you to serious legal consequences.
If the police become involved
Take the situation seriously.
Do not attempt further contact in order to “sort it out” directly with your adult child.
Keep relevant correspondence and messages.
Comply carefully with any bail condition, court order or other restriction.
If you are invited to a police interview or arrested, ask about your right to independent legal advice. Legal advice at a police station is normally available free of charge.
The central lesson is simple:
Do not wait until the police are involved before taking a request for no contact seriously.
Further information
Police.uk: stalking and harassment
Crown Prosecution Service: stalking or harassment guidance
This guide provides general information, not legal advice. Criminal law and procedure differ between England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. If you are already the subject of a police investigation, bail conditions, a court order or another formal restriction, seek individual legal advice before making any further contact.